I am not now, nor have been in recent past, a religious individual. I say "in recent past" because, as a kid, I was raised to believe in the Roman Catholic faith. I went to church every Sunday. I was baptized, confirmed, and all the steps in between. I will probably marry in the Roman Catholic Church just to complete the cycle. But in any case, I could not honestly say that I was ever a hardcore, Bible-fucking Catholic more so than simply being young and naive. Thus, the concept of "Christmas" has always been a bit taboo for me seeing as once a year I am forced to submerge into this vapor of yuletide noxiousness. Of course, this gathering of the souls has little actual relevance to religion as it would stand. I assume that the entire concept of the holiday could, at the most general level, be dissected into the same two key sub points that you could expect from a nation so adoring of righteousness and consumerism: the heart and soul of the season (the religious and commercial aspects respectively). However, the new naiveté would insist that there is more to the season than such simple notions would suggest. So, as any self-respecting misery-inducing Christmas-loathing subhuman would do, I took the time to try to justify everything that I believed to be untrue.
As far as the majority of community goes, most people make a concerted effort to be politically correct. This is especially true around the holidays. So, the general population is not shoving its religious ideals down your throat unless they (a) know you personally (b) know you intimately or (c) are the worst kind of person (religious fanatics). In fact, a much more sinister power is usually at work and it’s name is ethnocentrism. Yes, Christmas is the most wonderful time of the year for racism. But unlike the KKK, ethnocentrism does not manifest itself in the form of blatant, outspoken hatred. It appears as smugness and egotism. That, in turn, explains why there need not be words about religion on a religious holiday. Those that are blessed enough to afford to participate in Christmas festivities feel that their holy deity loves them more than the poor and generally less fortunate. In fact, the more monetary pull you have, the more spirited you seem to be. Which leads us to our next topic: Christmas as a commercial entity. I can summarize this with one metaphor. Commercial industries are pimps with the same whore: Santa Claus. They use the jolly old man to solicit useless items to children and adults alike. What’s more is the fact that he was created as a wrongful personification of the Christmas spirit. So, in a sense, if you believe in said Christmas spirit, you are a proponent of whoring your children’s idols out to the highest bidder. My parents were never the highest bidders during Christmas and, being raised in the 90’s, that was always an issue. The 90’s were the original douche bag era and everybody else aspired to be Slater from “Saved By the Bell,” but I just wanted to be like Kurt Cobain. Every Christmas, I would ask for a shitty guitar so I could learn and eventually break during a gig. Or at least that was my plan. But my parents were never the highest bidders. Maybe that’s why Kurt Cobain never came down my chimney and gave my father a blowjob in our living room. My parents were not corporate America. Kurt Cobain was not a whore. I never wanted to be Santa Claus.
So, I guess, ultimately, I was wrong about how I perceived the magic of the Christmas season. There really is more to it all than just religion and consumerism. Christmas is also about the KKK, egotism, the 90’s, “Saved By the Bell,” Kurt Cobain and, above all, prostitution. And that is why your kids pay top dollar to sit on Santa’s lap at your local shopping mall.
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